Normal
by sudoku
Summary: Sergeant Wu thought that normalcy was overrated. After all he collected tea bag covers and knitted as hobbies. He was also known to eat carpet for fibers occasionally. Hey, nobody is perfect. Compared to his colleagues, he was practically the poster boy for normalcy.


Thanks for D'Squirrel to beta it for me! Without her and Little Bounce's support and info, this one shot wouldn't happen. The insanity is all mine. *evil laughter*

_Disclaimer:_ If I owned Grimm, the show wouldn't have such a long hiatus and Wu would be in every episode and had more than five lines per episode. I also don't own other shows you might recognize here.

_Warning:_ Crazy thoughts, slight bashing of Captain Hook from _Once Upon a Time_.

* * *

Sergeant Wu thought that normalcy was overrated. After all he collected tea bag covers and knitted as hobbies. He was also known to eat carpet for fibers. _Hey, nobody is perfect_. Compared to his colleagues, he was practically the poster boy for normalcy.

Take his Captain as an example. Wu thought that Captain Renard might be the head of a Mafia group. The first evidence was the way the Captain swooshed in his coat. That was not a normal way for somebody to walk and it was not practical. Wu wondered how Renard managed to swoosh _indoors_. It was like a scene out of a John Woo movie. He half expected a dozen of doves to fly past in slow motion every time he saw Renard swoosh, donning his Aviators. Swooshing must be the initiation training a member of the Mafia gets when he or she joined the family.

The second "incriminating" evidence was the number of secret phone calls he made. Only a person with the attention span of a fruit fly with a heart condition would miss the fact that the Captain made phone calls at least twenty times a day. The calls were "secret" because Renard always closed the blinds. However, the muffled sound was a dead giveaway unless Renard practiced ventriloquism secretly. He would really hate to pay Renard's phone bills. Perhaps another skill the Mafia needed to learn was how to get a cheap or free phone calls. He guessed it was easier for the Mafia to scare the phone companies to get out of paying the phone bills.

The last one was obviously the number of assassination attempts Renard got on monthly basis. It seemed that the president got fewer attempts than Renard. He even got assassination attempts at his own apartment. How did the criminals know where he lived anyway? Normal captains didn't get that many death threats. There must be something dodgy going on.

Wu was not an idiot so he never shared his suspicions with any of his colleagues. Besides his colleagues seemed to bite off more than they could chew.

* * *

A good example of that would be Detective Griffin. That man had four ex wives and an evil ex girlfriend to boot. Well, ex wives were OK but four of them were a bit much! Had he never learned? That was still OK but _a criminal girlfriend_!

Wu thought Hank was a very good detective but matters of heart can always fool the mind. He even remembered that Hank was smitten to Adalind in the point of obsession. The girl, Wu admitted, was hot but not to the extent of obsession..

Hank reminded Wu of Captain Hook from _Once Upon a Time_ (don't judge, it's not a chick flick, a lot of guys also watch it). Well, not in term of Hook's lame villainy attempts. Hank was one of the most moral people Wu knew. Also not about having a hook as a hand because even Portland PD has standards. Something trivial about having complete use of their limbs - unless they got injured during duty then they would be bound to desk jobs. The rules are the rules after all. How would Portland stand if the police didn't follow rules?

No, he was similar to Hook in the way that he always got bested by all the women he encountered. It would just be safer if Hank could stay abstinent for a long while but Wu doubted it. All men (and women) have their weaknesses. At least Hank was partnered with the level headed Detective Burkhardt for now.

* * *

Hmmm, Nick. Was Nick as normal as Wu? No, he didn't think so. Wu thought that Nick must be secretly a member or even a leader of a fight club, how could he explain the cuts, bruises, bumps, and occasional broken bones Nick got_? _Sometimes the injury of one day was even worse than the previous day. That guy must fight more often than the Captain who might be in the Mafia. He didn't buy Nick's excuse that an injury always looked worse the next day. Wu would hate to pay for Nick's medical bill even more than Renard's phone bill. He hoped Nick had a good insurance.

That would also explain why the FBI arrested Nick a few months ago. They accused Nick of the murder of two FBI agents, an international fugitive, and surprisingly Adalind's mother. How on earth would Nick know about Adalind's mother anyway? The arrest must be because the FBI suspected Nick was a member of a fight club but they wanted to be subtle about it. No wonder they released Nick so quickly; there was no proof.

Nick's reputation in the club must have preceded him. His fame even afforded him a stalker in the form of Ryan. A lot of suspects also seem to be really scared of a teddy bear like Nick. Even if the teddy bear is five feet eleven inches tall with a penchant for long sleeved, tight, V-necked tees. Wu knew that Nick was kind and wouldn't hurt a fly on purpose. He wondered how big the flight club was. How could so many of the suspects be scared of Nick?

Wu guessed he would never know. He could never ask Nick outright; as he knew the first rule of a fight club. He would just secretly hint that he knew in their conversations and hope that Nick would confide in him eventually.

Wu didn't really want to analyze the rest of his colleagues. They were worthless; they always finished the Voodoo donuts before he got the chance to eat one. He'd better save his energy to learn that tricky pattern from the aptly named Knitting Magazine he'd gotten yesterday.

* * *

_Notes:_

-Sorry for no inclusion of Monroe and the rest, Wu wouldn't know him that well except as the guy he woke up to after collapsing in his apartment. Oops, that sounded really wrong in writing.

-If you don't already know, "Renard's swoosh" and "Nick's tight V-necked tees" are from the Little Bounce's fic titled "Grimm Grimmoire". They were too awesome to be used only once.

-The line about "a fruit fly with a heart condition" is from a terrific short-lived show called "Terriers". If you like detective dramas with great characters and plenty of heart and humor, do check the show out. I'm in no way associated with the show or crew though.

-Please tell me what you think, thanks :)


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